That night
the night death came for you i didn’t even recognize him
you kept sayin things to me about the dog, how he could stay in your shed, whatever
i wonder, had you already taken your pills by then? and how wouldn’t i hvae noticed?
i do know you had taken them by the time i came back, i think the officer even said
“he was on the floor with a empty pill bottle and you didn’t think that was out of the ordinary?
i think i gave him some line about thinking you were looking for the lid and you often took several at a time so i didn’t really think so…
but i wanted to scream at him say
i found you passed out on your knees over the coffee table and couldn’t rouse you,
i found you passed out in the bathroom over the sink standing erect and fast asleep
i found you passed out on the living room floor curled up and half under the couch
and not once could i get you to the bed and always felt bad about that, but this time
this time i found you and you weren’t out yet,
i got you up
i spoke to you
i guided you to bed
I went and brushed my teeth
i returned and you were passed out in the fetal position next to the bed on the floor and i couldn’t rouse you, so i crawled in bed and went to sleep myself, i woke once and still couldnt rouse you, went back to bed, woke again and noticed something, the color wasn’t right, the temp wasn’t right and so i called the police, they said call 911, 911 said rigamortis showed death had been there for over 24 hrs, but walmart says it couldn’t of been over 12… how long had you been dying that your body could so easily lie to the coroner, you were always the strong one…
Lost Widow Words © 
Do you know how long he had this death wish and why? Could he have survived the pills so many times, that he was just taking them to get high or something? What kind of pills were they?
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oh yes we were both addicts, pills he took in the slow times, but meth, coke, speedballs, etc was our spring/summer/fall DOC That night i believe was loratabs, xanax and alcohol, so…
as far as the death wish goes, i guess he’s had depression issues for years, i think we’ve both had the same number of attempts, its just hasn’t gotton to my time yet, unlike him.
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I thought I read somewhere on your blog that you were in recovery. I pray that you are and I pray for you in wholeness. My very best girl friend died from an OD of cc 4 year’g ago. She was a down to earth, beautiful person, but she was very depressed. Once she started using the crack, it was her only escape. Her daughter was HIV positive. She didn’t want to outlive her daughter, and she didn’t. I still miss her terribly. Peace, Light and Love to you and your’s.
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thank you, yes you are correct I am in recovery- and thank you for your prayers- cola is a hard drug to beat, no matter its form…
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Just checking in to say, hang in there sister!
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